RUN LIKE HELL, Portland’s Freaky Halloween Race 2012

Ah, Halloween, one of my all time favorite holidays.  I’ve come to appreciate Halloween even more now that I live in one of the freakiest cities in the United States.  I have no data on that, but it has to be true.  Afterall, people walk around in costume daily  here; you can’t even begin to imagine what people come up with when they’re actually going to a costume party.  Even better, how about a Halloween race?  Runners are mostly a bunch of weirdos anyway, so the costumes were just the icing on the cake at Run Like Hell, 2012.

Run Like Hell supports one of my favorite charities, the ALS Association.  I’ve had a handful of patients with ALS over the years, and am treating one now.  ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s disease, is a devastating, progressive disease leading to weakness and eventually paralysis.  The ALS Association is a lifeline for these individuals, providing support for the entire family as well as medical equipment when needed.  My first question to my patients is always, “Are you hooked in with the ALS Association?”  These people are real live angels walking this earth.

Run Like Hell features three distances, the 5K, 10K and half marathon as well as a kids race.  This year, the theme was “Super Heroes” which was nothing short of hysterical.  Last year, the theme was zombies and Mike and I made the mistake of going downtown to breakfast that morning only to realize that we would be eating with the living dead.  The sweaty living dead I might add, considering they had just run a race!  Mike and I decided we needed to go along with the theme, so he was The Riddler and I was Cat Woman from The Dark Knight.  It would probably help if I had actually seen The Dark Knight, but you do what you can.  Here are some pictures of our costumes:

My costume came with ears, but they kept falling apart so I decided to go without.  I think people still got the idea!

When we got downtown for the start of the race, it was POURING!  And cold, in the lower 40’s when we arrived.  We huddled with some other heroes underneath the precious canopy of Starbuck’s in the middle of Pioneer Square.  Mike was getting quite a bit of attention, especially from the ladies, which isn’t unusual 🙂  The start of the half marathon was delayed by 15 minutes, so the higher ups decided that all races would be delayed by 15 minutes.  Mike ran the 10K and I ran the 5K, which would now be starting at 8:35 and 9:25 respectively.

The Joker was the race announcer, and the 10K started off with a bang.  I watched Mike tear by in his Riddler costume, people shouting “Riddle me THIS!!” after him.  Around the middle of the pack, I saw a pack of barefooters happily running along with Barefootrunners.org painted on their backs.  One guy was wearing a loin cloth with painted toe nails and another guy was a Hawaiian in a grass skirt.  I made a mental note to find them later and pick their brains.

Meanwhile, I had plenty of time to kill, so I wandered around for a while and met some Ninja Turtles, The Hulk and Wonderwoman, and The Ambiguously Gay Duo to name a few.  The Ambiguously Gay Duo was made up of two of the funniest guys since SNL, and they were not so ambiguous.  During the Best Couple costume contest later on, they dutifully shoved whole bananas in their mouths as the announcer introduced them.  I was on the ground laughing!

I knew my race was supposed to start at 9:25, so I decided to head to the porta potty around 9:10.  Have you ever tried to go to the bathroom when you’re wearing a full body suit?  Take off gloves, take off backpack, take off jacket, take off belt, unzip body suit, take off sweatpants, hover (hello, this was a porta potty!)  By the time I made my way out of there, I was sweating like hell despite the cold weather.  How’s that for a warm up?  I headed over to clothing check and checked my bag quickly and began to jog over to the starting line.  By this time it was about 9:16 or 17, so I figured I had plenty of time to take a little warm up jog, because there were still plenty of 5Kers milling around in Pioneer Square.  It’s a good thing I took the back way to the starting line, because when I showed up at around 9:17, the announcer was saying, “Ok folks, we’ve got about 30 seconds to the start!  The countdown begins!”

WHAT?  I guess they decided to start early!  I fumbled around with my Garmin watch and it began searching for satellites.  Not an easy feat when you’re smack in the middle of downtown with skyscrapers around.  There wasn’t a chance that thing was going to pick up a satellite in the next 20 seconds.  I desperately held my arm up in the air as if that might help and even tried a few white-girl jumps to get my arm closer to the invisible satellites orbitting above.  Failed.  The race started and off we went.  WHEEEE!!  I love race starts, they  never get old.

My Garmin continued to search for satellites for what turned out to be the first 1.5 miles, until all of the sudden, there was the dreaded “DING DING DING” of a train barricade coming down.  “STOP RUNNERS!” shouted the officers as they formed their own little barricade across the tracks as if to prevent any renegade runners from darting across at the last moment.  Although I had no idea how fast I was going, I was disappointed by the train’s appearance because I had a feeling I was going to get a PR if I kept up my pace.  I really have no concept of pace unless I have a watch to monitor it, so all I knew was that I was near the front of the pack and I felt like maybe I was going faster than usual.  Miraculously, my watch decided to find a satellite as the train slowly chugged by, so I was back in the know.  Except since there were no mile markers that I saw, I really had no clue how much further I had to run. 

All of the sudden, I saw a marker for mile 6 for the 10K course, as the 10K and 5K courses came together at some point.  What?  That means there was only .2 mile left to get to the finish line.  I looked ahead, and sure enough, there was the balloon arch signifying the end.  I was totally confused, and prepared to turn off somewhere to finish the 5K because there was just no way I could be done already!  Then I saw a sign for mile 13 for the half marathon, indicating there was only .1 mile left.  I think it was then that I realized I was almost done, and I sprinted for the finish.  Success!  It turns out that after you run a marathon, a 5K seems incredibly, wonderfully short.  I’ll take it!

I still had no idea of my time, but quickly found Mike waiting for me at the finish line.  We then headed over to the post race celebration in Pioneer Square in search for the brews from Lagunitas.  One of the best parts about racing in Portland is that you almost always get a couple of post race beers with your race number.  While standing in the clothing check line, Mike continued to get lots of attention in his costume with the standout being his neon green contacts in his eyes.  One girl wearing some sort of  leather dominatrix outfit (so not Superhero) asked him, “Are those contacts?” 

Mike, always the jokester, replied, “Oh no, these are real!”

Ms. Dominatrix replied, “Yeah right, so are these!” and shook her ta tas around in a way that was not so kid friendly.  Did she just shake her boobs at my husband?  Time for a beer!

Beers in hand, we made friends with some friendly costumed people in front of the stage, where a bluegrass band played.  They were awesome, I wish I got the name of the band so I could go see them around town.  I got to talk with the barefooters too, they were great!  I totally wussed out today because I was thinking about running the race barefoot, but my feet were so numb at the start due to my inadequate warm up that I wore my VFF SeeYas.  I talked to a great guy named Mike with barefootrunners.org, and it turns out theres a Portland chapter that meets for group runs.  Their Facebook page apparently is the place to get all the info for their get togethers.  I joined today and I’m excited to go forward!  I really wish I had remembered to get a picture with them.

Eventually, we heard a rumor that the results were in, so we made our way up to the results tent.  On our way, we ran into a Giant Banana.  This wasn’t just any Giant Banana though, it was our friend Dennis Le!  Dennis is a personal trainer who coached me before my wedding.  Thanks to his expertise, I pushed myself harder than I ever have in the gym.  I gained physical strength, but the mental strength that I found within truly made it all worthwhile.  Several months have passed since I last saw Dennis, and I have to say, he looked great!  Then, I glanced down at his feet and saw that he had crossed over.  Yes, he was wearing Vibram Five Fingers, what looked to be the KSO model for men.  I always wore them when he trained me, and he asked me about them a few times, but you could tell that he really thought I was nuts back then.  It turns out that Dennis developed plantar fasciitis some time ago, and decided to make the switch to minimalist footwear.  Guess what?  Plantar fasciitis gone.  This is what happens when you strengthen your feet and allow your body to move naturally!  I really regret not getting a picture with Dennis either, see what happens when you drink beer after races?  Dennis said, “Thank you, thank you guys,” and continued telling us how much better he’s doing.  Talk about pulling at the ol’ heart strings!  This is just one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about minimalist running, it’s truly a gamechanger and a lifesaver.  Made my month.  I salute you, Giant Banana.  You can find Dennis Le training at Boom Fitness in Tanasbourne. 

We finally arrived at the results tent, and found our results.  I’m terrible at remembering times, so I went somewhere around 21:30ish for the 5K (2nd in my age group, I got a ribbon yay!) and Mike went 39:30ish for the 10K.  He’s fast.  Ridic.  He was hoping to break 40 minutes in the 10K and he did it!  Look at that, hit by a car in April and setting new PR’s in October.  I’m so proud! 

Meanwhile, the announcer on stage was saying something about Best Villain costume, and so Mike took off running for the stage.  As soon as he hopped on stage, he was playing the part, egging on the crowd and acting like a crazy mofo.  Here’s a pic to prove it.   

Of course, Mike won first place for Best Villain!  He won a great prize too, $30 off entry fee for any Terrapin Event in 2013.

After the race, we headed to Morning Star Cafe for breakfast, costumes and all, in memory of last years zombie breakfast.  All in all, it was a great day for a great charity.  We both got new PR’s in our respective races despite a train, and the weather cleared up just in time for the start of the races.  The sun even came out!  Racing is truly a great way to improve your level of fitness and get out there and meet new people, even if we’re all a bunch of freaks here in Portland.  Just cover your kids’ eyes when Mrs. Dominatrix comes around.